“He started to estrange her…
And they became strangers
Who knew each other’s heart,
So broken as they drifted apart.
She went down to the river,
She set down on the bank.
She tried to think but couldn’t,
So she jumped in and sank”
Tears are words the mouth can’t say nor can the heart bear.
Is that why I cry so much ? Can’t I express what I feel through spoken words ? Is my pain so strong that it is unable for me to bear it myself ? Do I want someone to share these tears with ? Do I want to show them that I am too weak to stand alone ? Do I want them to see that they were successful in breaking me and pushing me down ? Do I want to give them that satisfaction ?
No I don’t .
Sometimes they just slip …slowly rolling down my cheeks …wetting my face. Its involuntary …. I don’t feel sad …I don’t feel like crying …yet they just break my barrier . Is that what happens when everything you once believed in turned out to be a lie ? All the trusts broken. When you are fed with nothing but lies . When you are forced to be someone you don’t want to be. When you are forced to make your heart feel something that never existed . When your are forced to forget something that can never be forgotten …. Tears had poured from my eyes without any change in my facial expression. It’s pure pain and pure surrender when your soul cries without any fight from your body …
I don’t want to cry but a girl who has no tears, suffers so much more.
Broken promises…. Broken vows are like broken mirrors. They leave those who held to them bleeding and staring at fractured images of themselves
I cant let go of these …if I did maybe it would make me happy . But if I did …then I lose the battle don’t I ? They win ….they win in controlling me ….in breaking me …in making me who they want me to be….in messing with me. But I don’t want to let that happen ? I don’t want to let go of these memories however painful ….because I loved them ….painful …but still once they were all I had…
It’s so curious: one can resist tears and ‘behave’ very well in the hardest hours of grief. But then someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window, or one notices that a flower that was in bud only yesterday has suddenly blossomed, or a letter slips from a drawer… and everything collapses
I am in peace now …. I cry and I cleanse myself in this river of tears …. Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of a pure heart. I wept, and it felt as if the tears were cleansingme, as if mybody needed to empty itself
Smiles and tears are so alike with me, they are neither of them confined to any particular feelings: I often cry when I am happy, and smile when I am sad. That is who I am . That is who I defined myself to be….
Do I drown in this river of tears …. You don’t drown because you can’t breathe. You drown because you try to breathe what is not breathable. I have held those memories that bring me pain close to my heart because they keep me strong …because they remind me of the horrors …of the shattering pain….of the lies…this is what keeps me floating and never drowning …bcause now I know …I will never drown anymore
In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer
Sometimes I’m drowning myself in my own words.
But its beautiful …